


twenty gold pieces

by choose_joy



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, F/M, Gen, M/M, everyone loves angus, no seriously everyone is still alive for some reason
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-30
Updated: 2019-12-30
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:36:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22025683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/choose_joy/pseuds/choose_joy
Summary: 155 years after the apocalypse, everyone is still alive.(or: the immortality one shot that no one asked for)
Relationships: Angus McDonald & Everyone, Barry Bluejeans/Lup, Julia Burnsides/Magnus Burnsides, Kravitz/Taako (The Adventure Zone)
Comments: 11
Kudos: 109





	twenty gold pieces

They really should have caught on much sooner. Somewhere in the first century after the day of Story and Song, for example.

In their defense, there was a lot to get done. Rebuilding the entire planar system takes time, and resources, and diplomacy, and energy, and people to oversee it all.

And yeah, okay, maybe the day that Kravitz brought a very alive-looking Julia home should have been a clue, but everyone was too excited to see Magnus reunited with his love again to say anything.

So, it wasn’t until 155 AH (After Hunger) that Taako looked up from his meal, surrounded by his family, and said “wait, shouldn’t most of you be dead?”

You could hear a pin drop.

And suddenly, the chatter of voices, overlapping: “damn Taako, if you wanted us dead, you should’ve told us sooner!” and “that’s not very polite, sir!” and “technically, I’m already dead, brobro” and “what’s that supposed to mean?” and, quietest of them all, coming from his left hand side, “...shit”.

The elf took stock of all of this, processed it, and slowly turned to his husband, shit-eating grin already stretching across his face. “Krav, honey, my love, my life, have you forgotten something?”

Kravitz, for his part, only looked mildly discomfited by the question, before responding with a not-quite-believable: “...no. Nope. Uh-uh. I’m just gonna. Go real quick. Um. Unrelated.”

“My love, did you forget that we’re supposed to die at some point? That that’s like, a thing that mortals do?” Taako responded, cackling between sentences.

Kravitz, already halfway through a rift his scythe cut through the dining room, turned back to the room and sheepishly smiled, before leaning forward and kissing his husband on his forehead (retracting quickly afterwards so as not to get bonked by Taako’s shaking shoulders). “I’ll be back soon, I just... left the astral oven on.” And with that, he stepped through the rift fully, tossing an “I love you!” through as the tear closed behind him.

For a second, the only sound in the room was Taako’s choked giggling before the rest of the table joined in with raucous laughter.

Lup was the first to gain any semblance of control. “Did you,” wheeze, “see his face?” cackle, “I swear he- he almost went full skeleton on us!”

From the corner, Angus’ peals of laughter respond, “Does he know how humans are supposed to age?” With a start, he looks to Taako, then mildly concerned, “Does he know I’m a human? Does he know I’m not actually an elf?”

Taako laughs even harder, wiping a mascara-filled tear off his cheek, “Bubbele, I don’t think he knows how anyone is supposed to age. Especially humankid brats.”

Magnus is next to respond, taking a big bite of stew as he comments, “in his defense, none of us noticed either.”

“Well, yeah, but only 2 of us have Death Jobs, Maggie,” Lup giggles, gesturing to herself and Barry.

A lull in the laughter sweeps over the room, before Angus’s quiet voice pipes up, much less joyfully, “Does this mean we’re going to die?” At the thought, a few tears gather in the corner of his eyes as he continues, “I may be 166 years old, but I’m still a little boy.”

The room goes quiet, taking stock of the fact that yeah, they probably should have noticed the human boy didn’t look any older than 11. For over 150 years. Yowza.

“I don’t think Krav would do that to us, pumpkin. Raven Mama’s probably on our side, or we would have gotten scolded sooner. You know she loves a dramatic show,” Taako responds after a second, crossing the room and folding the boy into his chest, the gesture coming easily after so many years, “Besides, he’d have to catch you first! And everyone knows the planar system’s best detective would find a way out of it, huh?”

Angus sniffles a bit, wiping the tear from his cheek as he nods the affirmative. Lup joins in from the other side of the room, “And! The Raven Queen is basically his mom! Which makes you her grandkid, kind of! No matter what, you’re pretty much set for life—“

“And death!” Barry finishes, smiling at his joke as the others groan. Davenport especially gives a withering look to the denim-clad man, mumbling that there’s only room for 2 dads in this house, and they’re both under 3 feet tall. Lucretia gives his head a pat, stage whispering a quiet, “of course, Dadenport,” to the abject delight of every other member of the room.

Angus suitably calmed down, the family lapses into quiet giggles, a calm contentment spreading over the room. That is, until Merle speaks up. “What do you think is taking Kravitz so long?”

Everyone contemplates it for a second, debating internally what the most likely scenario is. In the end, it’s Angus who speaks up first, his voice hesitant as he jokes “20 gold pieces says the Raven Queen is making fun of him.”

“Oh you’re on, little man! I think he’s just too embarrassed to come back right away!” Magnus responds, jumping on the goof right away.

“Nuh-huh,” Julia cuts in, “he knows how stupid he just looked. I bet he’s finding a way to prank us.”

The room is suddenly ablaze with theories, laughter exploding all over again. No one notices Kravitz sheepishly join them again, save for Taako. “How’d it go, bone daddy?” He questions, under his breath so as not to disturb the heated debate between Barry, Lucretia and Lup happening in front of him.

“...she laughed at me. The Raven Queen, goddess of death, my BOSS, laughed at me,” is the quiet reply from his husband.

Taako snorts, muttering back “yeah, but she’s also your mom,” before loudly announcing Kravitz’s arrival to the rest of the group with a resounding “hey chucklefucks, pay up! The kid got it right!”

The room explodes with sound, everyone’s eyes swinging over to the duo, full of joy and mirth, effectively cutting off Kravitz’s tired, quiet reply of “not my mom.”

From her place in the astral plane, the Raven Queen smiles at the little group, still destined for great things yet. At her side, Istus continues to knit her scarf, adding a stitch of gold as the family hands Angus his winnings. “You did that on purpose, my dear,” lilts the softer voiced goddess.

“As if you’re any better. You're the one who suggested we send Julia back. You know you could have spoken to your emissaries about the plans ahead of them, but you haven’t explained a thing. I’m surprised it only took them 150 years to notice something was off,” the Raven Queen quips back, curling closer to her counterpart.

“Spoilers!” Istus responds, tapping her nose with a needle as she continues to knit. “And besides, you love keeping them on their toes.”

“Someone has to keep my son in check,” is the reply, a laugh hidden in the rumble of her words.

A plane away, Kravitz gets a shiver down his spine, the echo of the words floating by his ear. “Oh, come on!” is the exasperated retort.

It would be many years yet before their destinies were completed. For now, the family was content to laugh together, each sending up a quiet prayer of thanks to Istus and the Raven Queen.

All was well.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I got this idea in my head and had to write it. I might expand on it, but I’m pretty pleased with where this landed. // edited 1/12 to clarify that yes, indeed, Julia is also alive in this. Because duh.
> 
> I just love these sweet sweet boys so much, y’all.
> 
> Find me on tumblr at thisisadingdongblog!


End file.
